I am sick…

Everybody with me now…AND TIRED…

…of being female. You men can stay. I won’t be talking vivid girly stuff here…not this time anyway.

There’s a side of me that no one has yet seen on this blog. Granted, so far everyone who reads it already knows me and knows full well that I’ve been holding one teeny bit of my personality back.

*knocks down a wall* The bitch is back, people! *cracks knuckles* Ranting is imminent.

I am so fricking fed up with my body right now, I could scream. I know I’m “of that age” where everything starts to go haywire and kerflooey and stupid. I.know.this. I know that compared to many women, my life, um…as a woman…has been a cake walk. Granted, it’s kind of been like a bake sale cake walk – you’re never quite sure what you’re going to get, but even bad cakes are never completely intolerable.

So, I probably shouldn’t complain. But, you know what? I’m going to anyway.

I am FED UP with the migraines. Fed up. Fed up. Did you hear me!? I AM FED UP!!!

Every month. Without fail. Sometimes, like the past couple of months, they’ve been medically tamed, few and livable. Not fun, but eh – if I have to have ‘em, let ‘em be like that. But then? Most of the time?

Give me a break. I wake with a migraine. I take my happy little $20 pill. I try to start my day. It ebbs. It flows. On “good” days, within 2-3 hours, it disappears. But, those 2-3 hours have completely exhausted me because my body isn’t pleased with fighting such an obnoxious beast. On a “bad” day? It never disappears. I have to pop another $20 pill and wait some more. Sometimes it just hangs there, exhausting me, destroying any plans I might have had for the day, making me hate my animals because they have the audacity to *gasp* BE ANIMALS!!! and…I’m just unpleasant all around.

By evening, it tends to go, I go to bed, don’t sleep well because my hormones missed out on the party my migraine took from it and wake again…typically? With.another.migraine. This goes on for a number of days in a row, making me swallow no fewer than 8 or so $20 pills/month. Yeah, and insurance only covers them some of the time, if you’re wondering.

I go to the doc. “What can I do to lessen these? To lessen the pain? The cost?”

And they say??? “Hm. Yep. You get migraines. Tsk, sorry.”

Since I don’t get them daily. Since they’re obviously hormonally charged. Since I am not hospitalized, nauseous, vomiting, losing nutrients from them, I get a “tsk, sorry.” In the mean time, plans I’ve made have to be cancelled. I missed Christmas with my in-laws last year. Guess what??? THAT WAS THE LAST CHRISTMAS TO EVER HAVE WITH MY MIL!! But, I was home, nursing a migraine.

I’ve missed birthday parties, parades, events, etc. because I am in too much pain to either drive, deal with more noise, be polite, or honestly, to even want to get dressed. Other times, I have no plans other than grocery shopping – planned, but wasn’t done today. Cooking a good meal for my family – planned, but wasn’t done today. Doing laundry – planned, but wasn’t done today. Organizing some computer things since my last reformat – planned, but wasn’t done today.

I am sick of losing almost a week a month because of my head. I’m sick of hearing, “Yep, sorry,” from doctors and I am sick…

Join me again…and tired…

…of being sick and tired.

So, I’m making apple crisp and I’m going to sit a few more hours on my ass and watch Grey’s and Project Runway and eat the apple crisp (with the homemade cinnamon ice cream I made yesterday) and pretend like I don’t even know what a migraine is.

Because that’s what sick and tired women do.