All I Want for Christmas

Sing along with me now:

I have said this sort of thing for quite some time now, but after last night’s Project Runway I am convinced that he would make my life complete.

If you don’t even know who Tim Gunn is, then…well, I have no idea what to say to you anymore. It’s a travesty, truly. You should be ashamed of yourself. To quote the man himself, “It concerns me.”

He is a prissy, uptight gay man with wisdom that can move mountains. Okay, maybe they’re mountains of fabric, but dammit, I need some mountain moving in my life. We can start with fabric, if we must. He dresses in a suit coat and tie all.the.time, even if he’s sporting jeans. His hair is perfect, his manicure is perfect and his desire to teach is inspiring. His voice is perfect gay-man-pinched, his humor appears pristine and tidy until a little hint of bawdy shines through and you know, you just KNOW…he’d be the man to make any party a success.

Why do I want a Tim Gunn for Christmas? Because of this:

He butt grinded…ground…grundiculated??? with Heidi Klum. It was stiff and awkward and joyous and adorable. More, please. Only this time, there’s another Heidi that wants a turn.

Reason #2:

He recreated a scene from Love Story with an adorable straight female designer, Carol Hannah, without even realizing it. They held hands, they shared their love for each other and it was sweeter than a one year old’s cheeks after eating his first birthday cake. Who doesn’t need an extra dose of genuine affection in their lives, especially from a mentor??

Reasons #3, 4, 5 & 6:

3) He’s wearing a floral apron…and not caring.
4) He never took off his suit coat and tie…because he’s Tim Gunn.
5) He’s wearing said apron over his suit coat and tie to make homemade biscuits…because he’s awesome.
6) This one’s invisible in the shot, but trust me – he’s using a wine class as a biscuit cutter…because he is the awesome Tim Gunn.

I know, my reasoning sounds shallow, but I care not. This is what I want for Christmas. He can help me in the kitchen. He can help me laugh at my pathetic wardrobe. He can help me figure out how to dress a body that’s shaped like a wine barrel. He can amuse my husband. *thinks* You know, I should reword that, but I’m going to leave it.

I even have extra bedroom space for him.

Although, shit. I’ll probably have to clean the house, huh? Oh well, I have 37 days. For Tim Gunn, I’ll do anything!